Sunday, September 21, 2008

Green Gaming and You!

WARNING: May contain graphic text. Reader disgression advised.

Are you one of those people who leave your computer on all night without even touching it? Is your Wii in standby waiting for messages but you never recieve any? Do you leave your consoles on all night so you can jump right into the game when you wake up? Do you own a PS3? If you said "Yes" to any of the above, then you're obviously killing our planet like a n00b and wasting money on electricity like a bitch. I'm TheAssailant6661, you may know me as Assie, and for the next couple of paragraphs I'm going to explain to you the dangers of your actions and ways to clean yourself up.
As we all know, Crude Oil is what drives the industry, but with Oil prices skyrocketing, $20 of gas is no longer as much as it used to be. First a little science lesson:

  • Where does Crude Oil come from? Crude Oil is extracted from the ground by use of pumps and drills used to get it to the surface.
  • What is Crude Oil made of? Crude Oil is the remains of algae from millions of years ago that has decayed into a black "muck" which we refinem into almost anything. Petroleum (crude oil) is used in a large variety of products, from gasoline, to plastic. It even powers the servers and the computers that make it possible for you to read this. It's wonderous what it can do, however, every action, has an equal and opposite reaction. Petroleum contains Carbon Dioxide (CO2), which is the same thing you breathe out and plants breathe in. CO2 is the balancer in life. It can help, but it can also rape and pillage. Ever wonder why the temperature doesn't crash to below -25C? That's because of of the Greenhouse effect, which allows the Earth to stay warm. What allows the Greenhouse effect to continue? Greenhouse gases ranging from Methane to CO2. Since Petroleum contains CO2, when you burn it, it releaases that CO2 into the atmosphere, which causes the phenomenon we call Global Warming. Essentially, it's what caused Venus to become the hottest planet in the Solar System, despite being further away from Mercury.
  • What are some of the dangers of Global Warming? Warm oceans drive Hurricanes. This is why they seem to be getting stronger with each passing year. I don't speak for everyone, but I'm pretty sure you wouldn't want a category 5 hurricane rushing towards your home forcing you to evacuate and effecting fucking your life over. Another effect is polar ice melt. The ice caps contain tons of water, to the extent of being a mile(~1.4 km) thick. Imagine what would happen to coastal areas when the water level rises ~10 feet(~3.3 m). I can, because Long Branch, NJ is right on the Jersey Shore.
  • Assie, what are some ways that I can help prevent this? There are many options you can follow to help slow down Global Warming, which is the actual point of this editorial.
  • Tip #1: TURN THAT DAMNED COMPUTER OFF! If you're doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING with your computer and you know it, turn it off. You have 2 options for turning it off: Shut Down and Hibernate (Stan, I don't know what's used in Macs, but you should understand). Those are the only 2 options that use NO ELECTRICITY WHATSOEVER. Plus, you save yourself some money. Imagine all the games you could buy by turning that damned machine off. Oh, and studies show that computers waking up from idle are much slower than computers that boot up from a complete Shut Down.
  • Tip #2: If you know you're not going to get any messages of importance, unplug your Wii. The Wii sits idle in WiiConnect24 mode consuming about 4 watts. Sure, 4 watts may not be a lot, but when you add it up, it is. There, more money in you wallet for gaming.
  • Tip #3: Why are you leaving that console on all night? What's wrong with saving your progress and starting up from there? You complain about the PS3's heat, but if you turned it off once in a while, maybe it wouldn't be so hot. Same goes for 360. I bet you some RRoDs are caused by damaged components from heat. Again, you'll save youself more money for games by simply unplugging and never leaving idle.
For more reasons to abide, please watch "The Day After Tomorrow". It's pretty much the worst-case scenario for Global Warming. Think of it as "Apocalypse on Crack".
Remember people, only n00bs would ignore this and call it bullshit. But you're not n00bs! You, me, Wii (see what I did there) are GAMERS! What's the point in pwning people when you're also pwning the planet with ignorance (much like a n00b)?
But it's not just you that need to clean up, it's everyone. Stop driving 2 blocks to talk to someone. There's this new invention out. I believe it's called a Cell phone. Want to see someone? Perfect, because there's this other new invention called the Internet. Did you know that you can now do video-chat? If it's possible, you can help even more by investing in Compact Flourescent Lights (CFLs) and Solar, Wind, even Geothermal. Call your government, and demand change for the future, or else you'll have to learn to either play underwater, in ice, or in space. Hmm, I wonder what the zero-gravity would do to the Wii's motion sensing capabilities....


Anonymous said...

i use the sleep function on my mac, or shut down.

nice article assie, major change of pace for you. good job.

TheAssailant said...

The Sleep in Vista still uses power, I'm sure the Mac version of sleep uses power too. Put it this way, if you're able to put it in a mode that will save all your progress to hard disk and allow you to unplug the machine and plug it back in and continue working, it's fine., because it doesn't rely on electricity to keep it's current state.

I've always been about making people realize that we can't waste energy, just never been able to effectively do it till now. With a smiley like that, why wouldn't you help?